Social capital and online games

I wanted to point folks reading my WoW blog to a post on my personal blog, titled Social capital and online games. Here's a tease:

I just quit playing WoW. And looking back on all that time I invested, I didn't get much social capital in return. I'll never talk again to 90% of my guildmates. And as nice as my former guildies are, none are "real" friends. I'd never invite them to a wedding, or loan them some money to help them through a bad patch, or expect they'd visit me in the hospital if I get sick. It's not just how well we know each other (all that time together!), it's that our friendship is virtual.

My apologies here to any former guildies who read this and are offended. It's no criticism of you or our relationship, it's a criticism of online games. I'm trying to figure out how WoW could be different that would allow my guildies to actually be "real friends".

Comments

[Kulat/Kriyet]

I don't think it's a function just of online games - though that's the example everyone cites. But when media plays up this "lack" of "real" contact, I usually see a fundamental confusion between what is an acquaintance and what is a friend.

If you look at the interactions you had with guildmates - how much involved information about their off-game lives? Did you know about big events in their lives, good and bad? Did your guild have a website with personal information, like pics, wedding announcements, kids, etc? Some guilds do, and I'd wager those people are much more successful maintaining friendships outside the game. In fact, some of these guilds actually move together from game-to-game, 'cause it's the people who are their focus, and the game is a tool.

If you compare this to other offline recreation activities with other people, it's similar. Ever join a city softball league for a year? Odds are, if you never went out for a beer with a teammate or planned a team picnic, but only chatted with those folks at practice or games, as much as you liked them and enjoyed playing with them, I doubt you would see them again after the end of season and you moved on. Same thing with the members of a martial arts/pottery/swimming class who you chat with in the lobby and in-class. Those are acquaintances, not friends.

There's nothing wrong with acquaintances - you can't realistically have intimate connection with tons of people, because there's not enough energy, time, attention in a day to have for more than a few. Acquaintances are the middle ground between strangers and friends, and they make life both easier and pleasant. But if people want an in-game acquaintance to move into an important place in their life, they have to put in some effort outside of guild chat.

Some of the people in my WOW guild have become friends over time, as we shared details of life, events and occasions, and some history. And with those few, I've got outside contact by now.

Bottom line: no matter how sophisticated an MMO is, making friends out of strangers is still up to us!

[Felkan]

I don't have any RL friends that I play wow with. Though I know several folks that do. From what I can tell, they were all RL friend _before_ WoW. And just started playing WoW together.

[Bristal]

Agree totally with Kulat/Kriyet. And you can say much the same thing about work "friends". Move jobs and you will likely never see the vast majority of those people again. Maybe one or two will remain friends over time. I'm 45, I have worked a few jobs, been to varous colleges for MANY years, and I probably have half a dozen close friends from those places in all that time.

And my expectation of making real friends with anyone in WoW is much lower than in work or RL recreation because there is no face to face interaction or connection, and limited verbal interaction as well. I like interacting with people in-game, but it's hardly meaningful. The few times I've heard people on Chat talk about RL issues it's kind of a downer. I'm playing a pretty GAME, man. I don't want to be brought down by somebody's problems.

Not a great venue to really connect with people. Fun game, though.

[warcraft guide]

Thanks for this post. Always a pleasure reading!

[Patrick]

I totally agree about the Nil return situation, and I think that there is a very 'male' syndrome in this type of relationship - all good fun while it lasts and you are online, but no commitment and no strings attached when you turn off the PC.

This is both a blessing and a curse, and must be borne in mind when choosing to spend a large proportion of your spare time on what is effectively a solo pursuit. If you want friends, turn off the PC, go outside and meet people, (even if you keep in touch with them later via twitter), but this has to be done remembering that friends require sacrifice, and cannot be treated solely as an extention of your leisure pursuits.

[WoW Characters]

This is a very unfortunate tease I must say. I have always had wonderful experience with online games. :(